We Indians are the world’s noisiest (and nosiest people). Let me get done with the nosy part first. We have a twisted and perverse interest in the affairs of other people. I will concede that folks world wide have an ear for gossip which explains the whole paparazzi and the tabloid business. However, the point where things get so annoying is that people here make concerted efforts to get private information out – directly or indirectly. Everyone right from the security guard, the maid, colleagues, neighbours take a keen interest in every stupid little thing. Where did you go ? How come you are late today ? Who is that friend of yours ? All right, What the fuck ? Yes, you may have these thoughts inside your sick mind, but why ask directly ? What is your fucking business asshole ? Anyway, I have now resigned myself to this and now answer in monosyllables rather than asking the offenders to fuck off.
OK, now to the noisy part. This is probably the most exasperating, frustrating part of daily life in India. There’s noise everywhere – every fucking where. It’s unimaginable.  Loud music/TV, traffic honking, shouting while talking, construction noise and not to mention dogs.  The worst criminals are these “organizers” of local celebrations of all kinds of religious festivals. Of course complaining against loud noise will only hurt religious sentiments. What a load of bullshit. Is that how you celebrate a religious festival ? It is an occasion to sincerely thank the almighty for his blessings and for quiet reflection and prayer. Can there be even an ounce of devotion that is possible with loud blaring music from cheap speakers ? The situation is of course compounded when there are competing local celebrations each attempting to outdo each other in the “who can play the loudest music” game. Do not these morons realize that there can be infants, old people, sick patients who can be severely affected by noise ?
The next bunch of assholes are those who play the fucking TV and radio loudly. What the fuck is their problem ? Behenchod! There is some thing called headphones for fuck’s sake. What’s really incredible is complaints are met with blank faces – oh my god, how can that even disturb you ? In general, Indians tend to have a high noise tolerance. I am frequently surprised to find people not upset by high levels of noise.
It is impossible to find peace, quite and solitude in this country. At home, you are besieged by neighbours and other assholes. At work by co-worker retards who are compelled to loudly discuss everything. While commuting, traffic noise. You cant think straight! You go to a resort in the wilderness and some bastard is chopping wood or playing something obscene on his cellphone.
So, what’s the solution ? Unfortunately none that works. Legislation exists but is rarely enforced and you might get into trouble for complaining. I have tried noise isolating earphones with limited success. At home, you can try fitting noise insulating windows and maybe at work you can ask your colleagues to shut the fuck up.
I have been using delicious (the bookmarking website) off and on for quite a while. I used the Firefox plug in which had a nice big button on the toolbar to create a new bookmark. Now I was using Firefox which didn’t have the delicious plug in installed and I wanted to save a bookmark, so I had to use the website. For the life of me, I couldn’t find the new bookmark link anywhere. Finally I found it – hidden away in the top-right (just below the search box). What the fuck ? For a bookmarking website, the add new bookmark button should be the biggest, most conspicuous button on the page – screaming for attention! I dont get it at all – I mean who okays these usability decisions ?
Of late, I had to park my bike for long periods of time when I’m away traveling. I ride a Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 5S. (I have a black and silver model). The Bullet manual has detailed instructions on how to store the bike as well as to restart it. However, here are a few quick and hopefully useful steps that I found from experience.
Before Storing:
1) Disconnect the battery. This is very important. The bullet is heavily dependent on the battery and will not start without it.
Remove the battery case.
Next, there will be two rubber straps that hold the battery in place. Reach out to the back of the battery, on either side there are hooks that hold the straps in place. Just unhook both the straps.
Next unscrew the leads from the terminals. Carefully preserve the nut, screw and the washer set of each terminal.
Put the battery case back on.
Store the battery in a cool and dry place.
2) Drain the petrol. Petrol slowly evaporates from the tank when stored for a long time. So you’re stuck without fuel when restarting the bike.
For this bring the fuel control knob to the OFF position.
Remove the small rubber pipe at the end that leads out from the fuel control knob.
Place a dry, clean bottle at the place where you removed the pipe. Turn the fuel knob to the ON position, all the petrol should now start flowing out of the tank into the bottle.
Once all the petrol is collected, reconnect the pipe and bring the knob to OFF position.
That’s it (And that’s why its so darn easy for those frickin’ petrol thieves!)
Store the petrol bottle in a cool, dry and safe place.
3) If the bike is parked outside, cover the bike with a tarpaulin cover – to prevent dust and rainwater from getting in.
4) Wash your hands and go eat a snack or something.
When it’s time to restart:
1) Reconnect the battery.
Get out the screw, washer and nut sets.
Place the battery in the holder.
Align the leads to the battery terminals making sure you use the correct polarities. The screw plus washer set will hold the lead to the terminal on one side and the nut has to be on the other side. Keep tightening the screw till the lead is firmly connected to the terminal. Repeat for the other polarity.
Now just turn on the ignition and check if the neutral indicator light comes on. If so, you’re battery is good. If it doesnt, try the indicator or the brake light. If nothing works then the battery is dead. In such a case, haul the darn thing to a battery shop where they’ll charge it for you overnight for about 20 Rs.
Once the battery is connected, tested and in place, don’t forget to put the straps back on. This is a bit of a pain fucking nightmare, so you’ll have to struggle. Hook the battery strap into one hook and then pull the strap tightly – you’ll have to stretch, press, grunt and squeeze. A lot. Once the first strap is in, the next one will be much easier. (That’s why test the battery before putting the straps on.)
2) Fill in the fuel into the tank and bring the petrol knob to RESERVE position. This is to ensure that there will always be fuel supply.
3)Â Next, remove the spark plug and just blow any carbon away. This is the critical step, removing the spark plug will cause built up air pressure to be released. If you don’t remove the spark plug, you’ll be kicking away until you have fractured kneecaps. All right then put the spark plug back on.
4) Now, press the clutch and crank the kick-starter lever. The lever might be difficult to press, but keep at it. If it moves without any pressure at all,it’s a good sign. Do this 15-20 times, this will allow the oil to circulate in the engine.
5) OK, showtime! Turn on the ignition and make sure the engine switch is ON. This is easy to overlook, especially the engine switch. All right, decompress the engine, and then give it a few solid kicks. If you feel the engine sputter – this is a good sign. Couple of kicks later – the engine should start. Fucking awesome! Give it some throttle and let it run at moderately high throttle for a couple of minutes. Progressively lower the throttle and check if the engine runs.
If the engine doesn’t start at all, give a couple of minutes break and then retry with the choke on. It should work. All in all have some patience and don’t give up, I’ve usually found about twenty to thirty kicks to be the max to start the bike. (If it doesn’t start at all, fuck it and just call the mechanic.)
I hate it when websites and corporations send you email but don’t offer an easy way to unsubscribe from the shit-loads of unsolicited junk. Sometimes the unsubscribe link is buried away in size 0.1 font somewhere at the bottom of the email, sometimes they don’t’ work, sometimes they seemingly work only for you to horribly realize later that you’re getting even more email. Understandably people make it intentionally harder to unsubscribe because well getting people to read your mail in the first place is tough. All I ask is make sure you have an unsubscription process that is relatively accessible and painless. So I was shocked when I got this email from a mailing list that I was on.
Oh, we just thought you might not want us...
It’s like the folks at Notre Dame MBA did all the hard work in getting my email address – either interested me enough to sign up for their email or got it from a database. (Both of which Im sure cost them in some way). Then they decide to send me an email saying that oh well we’ve been sending you mail and newsletters about our program but here’s an email which we have specially sent you so that you can undo all we’ve done so far in a single click. Thanks!
I clicked the link and was unsubscribed instantaneously.
Why would any seller of products/services want to do this ? It beats me.  The irony of it is that this comes from an MBA program.
I hate ComicSans with a vengeance. It is a disgusting font – immature, frivolous and visually jarring.  Here is a much better explanation of why ComicSans needs to be banned. I think the choice of typography says a lot about someone – and ComicSans probably represents scum. Also do not fucking use Word to design HTML mailers – it is downright ugly, use something professional. OK ?
Hiring an autorickshaw in Chennai is a fucking nightmare. (Well all over India, but more so here). The auto drivers are illiterate, uncouth and rude assholes who are out to rip you off.  All auto charges are unregulated – this means that the meter is a mere decoration – and the drivers charge outrageous prices . The drivers are school dropouts without zero education and zero road sense ; They drive the auto as if they are in a freaking video game.  The bus is not a great alternative, because they always seems to be packed and you have to figure out the routes. However, hiring a “call-taxi” is a great alternative. I recommend Fasttrack. They are economical and provide punctual and efficient service. The drivers are courteous and professional. The only catch is you can’t wave them down – you have to make a booking on the phone and then they pick you up. I seriously recommend to always hire a call taxi in Chennai.
Sometimes taking the auto is a necessity, here are a few tips to make the experience slightly tolerable.
Always fix the fare before getting into the Auto. Auto drivers sometimes ask for you to quote the price you are willing to pay. If you know the realistic fare for the distance – then just quote that fare and stick to your guns. If the driver demands more, just walk away – he will most likely follow you and agree for your price. Otherwise just pick another auto which would have queued up in the background while you are haggling with the current one.
Now, if the auto driver quotes a price – a good guideline is to immediately cut that price by 40-50%.  This will be the “real” price. If further negotiations ensue, do not pay anything more than 10Rs in addition to the real price. Just say balls and walk away. Supply is more than demand – You’ll always win.
The other thing to watch out for is reckless and downright dangerous driving by the drivers. Breakneck speeds, sharp turns, violation of red signals, one-ways and all kinds of depravity. I don’t know if they get their kicks out of some deranged sense of bravado. If you feel the driving is reckless firmly ask the driver to slow down. Do not be silent – the autorickshaw is an inherently unstable vehicle – its better to be safe then sorry. Sometimes the drivers are also drunk – in this case immediately bail from the vehicle. Pay some money if necessary, but just get the hell out.
I took a trip with mum and dad to Gujarat a while ago. Overall, the trip was “fun”, although some experiences did come close to marring it. The broad trip itinerary was to travel to Ahmedabad, Vadodara (Baroda) and Kutch. We decided to drive down from Mumbai to Ahmedabad in our SX4. Yeah, it’s a good-looking car, despite the cheesy tag-line. “Men Are Back” – who came up with that ? Anyway, the driving route from Ahmedabad to Mumbai involves taking the NH8. Well the trip’s only bad experiences were because of this infernal stretch of tarmac. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the road – no potholes, that kind of stuff. The problem is traffic. Mind bending, soul-crushing, spirit-dampening traffic. Heavy container trucks, flat-bed trailers and even several CAT 797’s. OK, kidding about the last one. But, you get the drift. All this heavy traffic is a potent combination for – yeah – you guessed it – traffic jams. We got stuck in a huge one as soon as we got past the Vasai creek and on to the highway. Ultimately, it turned out to be an upturned truck, but the whole mess just was made worse because many drivers decided to drive on the wrong side to jump the queue. Then, both sides ended up getting miserably deadlocked. Take a look for yourselves:
Stuck on both sides
Extricating ourselves took a painful 3 hours and frayed nerves. Not a very auspicious start, but a start nevertheless and we were glad to be on our way.  Anyway, we got stuck again – for a short time – just before entering Bharuch while crossing the Narmada. Oh, and the same routine happened on our way back. Moral of the story folks do not contemplate of driving from Mumbai to Ahmedabad (or even the bus). Take the train, or fly, you’ll be a happier person.
Allright, Ahmedabad then.
The Sidi Sayyed Mosque: AÂ tiny building really – but it has the famous ‘Jali’ carvings that form the inspiration for the IIM Ahmedabad Logo.
Sidi Saiyyed Mosque
The Jama Masjid: In one word: breathtaking. The effect on entering the mosque for the first time is quite dramatic, because the entrance is an obscure side gate and the entire mosque is hidden from view because of the busy bazaar that surrounds it. So as soon as you step in, you’ll gasp because there is this freaking HUGE courtyard that is impossible to foresee if you are just ambling out side. Beautiful Islamic architecture with countless (actually, 260) pillars. Don’t miss this one.
Jama Masjid
The Gujarati’s have an inordinate love for fried stuff. Although they do have non fried alternatives available (the most famous being the Dhokla) my take is that the whole cuisine is just a heart attack waiting to happen. Anyhow, I would recommend that you try the “Fafda” – (fried chick pea batter!) which is sold literally everywhere.
FarsaanI wasn't exaggerating
Ahmedabad has something unique called the “Jhulta Minara“or the shaking minarets. However, note that you will not be able to see the Jhulta Minara’s shake anymore. Folks are prohibited from climbing up the minaret and giving it a shake. Also, one of the minarets has been dismantled by a pesky Britisher during the Raj – who wanted to see what makes the minarets shake, but couldn’t put it back together later. Visit if you have the time or skip.
The Jhulta Minara
A popular mandatory stop for tourists to Gujarat is the Akshardham temple located in the administrative capital of Gandhinagar. So we trudged along as well. I was quite disappointed with the whole experience. It is extremely crowded which is always a bad start. Next, I realized that it is more a theme park than a temple (with fun rides and attractions). This was quite disconcerting because umm a place of worship should not have amusement rides ? The architecture and interior is also nothing much to speak of. Everything smacks of kitsch and has an overall tacky feeling. My recommendation is to knock this off your itinerary and save yourself some serious time.
An excellent antidote to the jading Askshardham experience is the Adalaj step well, which is located off the Ahmedabad Gandhinagar highway. I had never seen anything like it before. Essentially as the name says it is constructed to function a well, but the structure is so ornate, that it could very well be a subterranean palace. There are various “levels” that one has to descend to get to the level of the water and at each level there are exquisite ornate carvings. Don’t miss this place.
The levels of the Adalaj Step Well
The must see attraction is of course Mahatma Gandhi’s Sabarmati Ashram. Immaculately maintained it offers a beautiful insight into the life Gandhiji spent while staying at the Ashram as well as his message of non violence.
Next, the Calico Museum of Textiles located in the heart of Ahmedabad. Rated as one of the best textile museums in the world, it is owned by the Sarabhai family. The museum is housed in a beautiful intricately carved wooden Haveli surrounded by a lush garden which shuts out the heat and dust of Ahmedabad. Inside, there is a stupendous collection of textiles, fabrics and garment designs all over India.  The artwork and the variety is stunning and will leave you breathless and in awe of Indian craftsmen. Note that the museum is very restrictive in how it allows visitors. There are only a fixed number of visitors allowed during a narrow time window. Visitors are accompanied in the museum by a guide who talks one through all the exhibits on display. Note, one must call to book in advance. If you don’t, you can still stand in line, but will be allowed to get in only if those who had booked earlier don’t show up. So, make sure you plan in advance to visit this hidden gem in Ahmedabad. Contact the museum here.
Oh and avoid eating at the “famous” Vishalla. The food is overpriced and underwhelming.
Next on the agenda was to visit Kutch. More precisely the Little Rann of Kutch (LROK). The direct route to LROK from Ahmedabad is via Viramgam, but we chose to take a longer route via Modhera which is famous for it’s Sun Temple. The temple although vandalized by Islamic invaders still remains quite beautiful. I would recommend that you hire one of the guides at the temple who do a good job of explaining how the sculptures represent events from the Mahabharata and the Ramayana and how the temple is constructed according to Vastu principles. Quite fascinating.
The sun temple at Modhera
From Modhera, we drove to the LROK. The attraction of the LROK is a that it is a salty desert and is famous for being home to the Indian Wild Ass (Khur) as well as flamingoes. Luckily we managed to get a glimpse of both the animals. There are a lot of resorts near the small town of Dasada that offer packages to drive you into the LROK, however we drove ourselves and I suggest you do the same and save yourselves some money. The Gujarat Forest Department checkpost in Dhrangadhra has a checkpost where you have to pay an entry fee, they also arrange for a guide to accompany you. There is also an excellent information display about the LROK. Be warned – the guides are locals who can hardly speak any Hindi, however they are useful in pointing out the spots where the khur and the flamingoes can be found. Beyond that, do not expect any interesting commentary. The empty flat treeless landscape is a surreal and beautiful. Apparently, the landscape looks even better the moon light. Send me some pictures if you’ve ever made it there in the moonlight. Salt making is an important commercial activity and you could easily spot salt pans and even mounds of salt. Interestingly I found that raw salt is in the form of huge crystalline chunks which are as hard as rocks.
Indian Wild Ass on the Little Rann of KutchA Salt PanA salt mound
On the journey back to Mumbai we decided to stop at Anand and then at Baroda (Vadodara). Anand of course is the headquarters and home to Amul (technically the GCMMF) the world largest milk producer (and quite a few other records as well). Amul is a well known and well loved brand in India that has been around for a long time. Amul’s White Revolution was a phenomenal success which made India the leading milk producer of the world – a fact which has been drilled into Indian schoolkids through textbooks, so I was keen on visiting. We did manage to find the Amul factory which has a museum, but we couldn’t visit the museum for some reason (either it was closed or we had to have some kind of security permission – I forget). Anyway, to be there in Anand in front of Amul’s HQ had a sort of historical importance attached to it and it felt good.
Next destination – Baroda (Vadodara). Now, Baroda being the seat of a royal family has a different sort of feel about it. Definitely much cleaner and greener and a better looking city when compared to Ahmedabad. Our main reason to be in Baroda was to visit the Laxmi Vilas Palace. An amazing, imposing structure, the palace is full of fine art and architecture. There is an excellent guided tour that is offered as part of the entrace fee. Our guide an amiable old man (who for some reason was in a tearing hurry) did a fine job in explaining the finer points of the palace and taking us through the various rooms. Watch out for the fantastic Ravi Varma’s, the weapons on display as well as various art from Europe and elsewhere that have been collected by the Maharaja. The Ravi Varma paintings also seem to have an illusionary effect where the eyes of the portrait seem to follow you irrespective of your position in the room. This seems to be quite a popular effect in a few other paintings as well, which the museum staff are quite eager to point out. There is also an adjoining museum that has beautiful paintings and a much bigger collection of European art. Definitely worth a visit.
An outer wall painting of the Laxmi Vilas PalaceInside the Palace with Mom and Dad. According to the guide, people love taking photos with the marble lady's butt in the background. Don't ask me why.
So we trudged along back to Mumbai after getting stuck in countless more traffic jams on the highway. Before I forget, I must mention how helpful the iPhone’s GPS and GoogleMaps were in finding our ways both in the rural back roads as well as within the city. Try out GoogleMaps as as a free alternative in your phone instead of buying costly proprietary maps. It does make mistakes some times and needs GPRS (reception is extremely widespread – I had GPRS even on the LROK!), but definitely very useful.
Overall trip experience: excellent. Just dont drive thats all 🙂
“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.” – Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye.
The Catcher in the Rye is one of my all time favourite books. A literary rite of passage. Highly highly recommended – please pick up a copy if you haven’t read it.
2010 has gotten off to a bad start with the Haiti earthquake. Claiming close to 200,000 lives, the earthquake is an epic disaster by any standards. Considering Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the world, donations are crucial. I used Google’s Haiti disaster relief page to make a donation. You could quickly make a donation with a single click here using Google checkout. That’s it, a single click is all it takes.
The page also contains numerous links to other organization’s which are accepting donations for Haiti. Go Donate. Now.
